Monday, May 9, 2011

when it's over, it's over

A happy hour last Friday marked the end of a long term dilemma. I never thought of myself of a person who would willingly defriend people or want to phase them out of my life but there you go. This signifies the culmination of a realization that has been a long time coming. How do you realize that you are not willing to invest time in people any longer? This soundw terrible but, I am finding, inherently necessary. I went to a happy hour last Friday with work friends that I have been friendly with for years---some closer than others but friends nonetheless. It hasn't been comfortable for a while as I suspect we have been growing apart for some time. The point of realization for me came when they were discussing a fight. Apparently, two girls were fighting and a mutual acquaintance jumped in to try to end the fight. In the melee, she got punched in the head. I was pretty horrified to hear this but even more disgusted that my  "friends" found it hilarious. It was pretty uncomfortable to sit there taciturn as they were snickering and saying it couldn't have happened to a better person. It was at that point that I realized that I don't need this type of negativity in my life. It saddened me to acknowledge that these people are toxic but also extremely liberating to realizing "okay, this is it!". I no longer need to make significant attempts to forge ahead with our friendship. I feel so free that, at 34, it is okay to only work on relationships that are worthy of my time and love.
I felt a range of emotions as I was driving home. I felt sad as it marked the end of a long friendship that had started back in 2001; however, I felt a strange bittersweet happiness that I had finally achieved a peace with this that I had not previously felt. It also made me realize how thankful I am to have the WONDERFUL friendships that I do have---so thankful to have considerate people that care and listen to me when I most need them.

I know this sounds extremely overwrought and emotional but it is kind of a big deal. What are your thoughts on friendships and when realizing that enough is enough?

1 comment:

Sara said...

Wow, I have recently been in a similar situation, and I also found it quite jarring emotionally. I honestly dont know if my reaction is typical or if others flit in and out of friendships more easily, but I am unsure how to act still in the presence of these people...its like an undeclared break up...and maybe thats the problem: I never did say anything to explain my distancing, I have just faded out of the get togethers. Good luck to you, I hope it is easier than I am finding it to be for me.